id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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