guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
