before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
