Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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