Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
