Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
