Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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