i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
