New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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