I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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