anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
