we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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