YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
