I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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