My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
