once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
