So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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