Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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