does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
