the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
