I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
