I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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