lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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