remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
