cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
