I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
