I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
