There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
