sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
