I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize