I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
