Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
