Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
