True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
