evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
