hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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