She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
