i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
