I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize