would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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