I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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