You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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