i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
