Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We have so much sex to catch up on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
