i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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