she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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