Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
