My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
