Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
