420 ftw
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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