I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
