Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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