i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
