im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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