You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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