barbara walters just said penis...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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