Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
