Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
