She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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