oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
