Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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