This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
