Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
