Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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