So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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