Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
