i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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