I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
