Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
