Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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