bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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