this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
