just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
