U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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