At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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