Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
