how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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