WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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