My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
