so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
