Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize