I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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